#186: Carjacking Concerns [Vortengard; ed:Myrth]
The Issue
Terrified motorists are complaining about the increasing number of hijackings that are taking place outside the big city areas.
The Debate
1. Hijacking victim @@RANDOMNAME@@ wants the government to take action against the road pirates: "Inner-city crime is nothing compared to the brutality these gangs show! They block the roads with trucks or felled trees and hide on the roadside until some poor unsuspecting motorist pulls up. The government must introduce a special police unit to patrol these isolated areas!"
The Results: armed police units patrol the roads late at night.
Taxes +1
Safety +2
Safety from Crime +1
2. "More police isn't the answer," retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of research at @@NAME@@'s largest car manufacturer. "This is a job for the private sector! We already have blueprints for cars with bullet-proof armour and mounted machine guns, and, if you'll pass appropriate legislation, we can have these things on sale in weeks. Let the people defend themselves!"
The Results: citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns.
Automobile Industry +1
Influence +1
3. "This just proves how cars are more trouble than they're worth." says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the Transport Worker's Union. "If the government bans cars and pours more money into public transport, everyone will be much safer and happier! Except from people who live outside major cities, of course - but then, that's their choice."
The Results: urban citizens are forced onto public transport while rural citizens ride horses and buggies.
Economy -7
Taxes +3
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#269: Stop The Presses! [Lenyo; ed:Sanctaria]
The Issue
It has been revealed that many of @@NAME@@’s newspapers are deep in red ink. Opinions are divided on whether or not the government should intervene.
The Debate
1. "There is no real problem here," says noted economist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If newspapers are no longer selling, they shouldn’t exist in a free market economy; let capitalism take its course. Who cares if a few newspapers go under? Besides, it’s probably good for the digital industry, right?"
The Results: morning coffees are no longer the same since the disappearance of newspapers.
Economy -3
Taxes -1
2. "You can’t just allow the newspaper industry to die!" panics newspaper editor @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We are the core of our nation’s news media! Where will the talk shows, internet news sites, and other media outlets get their stories from? We're their sources after all! @@NAME@@ needs newspapers to inform the populace! Just allow us to be exempt from taxation and I’m sure we will recover. After all, quality news is worth the price!"
The Results: the newspaper industry is subsidised by the government in order to keep it afloat.
Economy +6
Taxes +2
3. "Why bother subsidising when we can go all out and take back control of the media!" muses one of your innumerable advisors. "Newspapers are full of sensationalised, makey-uppy events designed to sell more papers and they ignore what really matters - like what we the Government are doing for the people! As a bonus, there'd be no need for newspapers and stations to compete with each other, and job losses would be at a minimum, so everyone'll be happy."
The Results: daily newspapers are permitted to run only pro-government stories.
Political Freedoms -9
Taxes +2
4. "Yu’r not attacking the problem," states elderly gentleman Woody Cane. "Newspapers will never be able t’ compete with them internets. All you’ve got t’do is shut them newfangled things down. Problem solved!"
The Results: abacus sales outpace those of the personal computer following the closure of the Internet.
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#188: Video Games Too Violent, Say Parents [The Stakanian Isles; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
Recently, there has been an enormous commercial success for 'violent' video games such as 'Blood 'n' Guts 2: The Revenge', 'Tremor', and 'Grand Theft Tricycle'. Several parents' groups have been calling for tougher restrictions on these games.
The Debate
1. "We must outlaw these violent games immediately!" shouts Catherine Gratwick, a member of Mothers Ordered Against Nastiness, "These so-called 'games' are desensitising our children to violence and making them more aggressive. Why, just the other day I witnessed my son firing a missile launcher in a videogame and the next day he went out and robbed a bank! He may be thirty-five, but you can't possibly say it's a coincidence!"
The Results: Tetris has been banned for its graphic violent content.
Civil Rights -2
Economy -1
Taxes +1
2. "Oh noez!" cries DEATMASTER_69, one of @@NAME@@'s foremost authorities on video games. "That's stupid! If a child is psychotic, it's not because they played 'Hellstorm of Fireblood 3' or whatever, it's because their parents were stupid enough to not teach little Johnny the difference between right and wrong and don't want to take the blame. Just because I like to n00k countries in games doesn't mean I like to shoot people in real life. That's false data! So just relax and let the kids play their games, hey?"
The Results: the children of NATION are often remarked upon for their cheery attitude to extreme violence.
Taxes -2
3. "Why not rate games the same way we rate movies?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a spokesperson for the @@NAME@@ Censorship Board. "We could give each game a content rating based on age appropriateness, and add descriptors on the box explaining why the game gets a certain rating. A little funding and we can stop children getting violent video games without affecting all the older 'gamers'. Everyone will be happy. Except tax payers, I guess."
The Results: only adults may purchase violent video games.
Economy -8
Taxes +1
4. "The children will manage to get their hands on the games anyway," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a fitness instructor. "Parents can be so ignorant. In my opinion, the only damage these video games are causing is physical: kids are becoming less inclined to exercise, and it doesn't really matter if they are violent; the result is the same either way. The only way to get bums off seats is to ban all video games. Maybe then we'll see a difference in the national waistline!"
The Results: students everywhere have been despairing after the recent ban on video games.
Civil Rights -4
Economy -1
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#051: Streaker in Snooker Game Fiasco [Sirocco; ed:Reploid Productions]
The Issue
After a sixty year old man with psoriasis streaked past cameras and millions of sports fans during the snooker league playoffs, protesters have called for tougher action.
The Debate
1. "This can't go on!" says traumatized snooker player @@RANDOMNAME@@, "Children are watching sports and having them exposed to this lewd behaviour is unacceptable! I demand that these people be locked up for several years and maybe they'll have learnt their lesson!"
The Results: naturists are jailed regularly for indecent exposure.
Civil Rights -1
2. "Oh don't be ridiculous!" scoffs prolific streaker @@RANDOMNAME@@, "It's all just a bit of fun and the kids shouldn't be wrapped in cotton wool, or they'll learn nothing! Sports are so dull anyway, it needs a little bare skin to liven it up. Streaking should be legal!"
The Results: streakers swamp all public events in order to bare it all.
Civil Rights +6
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#154: Ban The 'Boards, Say Pedestrians [HappyFluffyBunnies; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
The conservative Northern-based parents group of "Housewives and Convicts for a Safer @@NAME@@" has put forward a memorandum to ban skateboarding in public.
The Debate
1. "Skateboarding is a menace to pedestrians and road users," says activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Not to mention the astronomical number of skateboarding-related injuries - hundreds of children flood the emergency rooms of @@NAME@@ as a result of skateboarding every year, which is costly to the taxpayers. Keep our streets safe and save a little cash at the same time. Hell, you could make even more money by ticketing those who violate this law."
The Results: skateboarding is punishable by heavy fines
2. "Ticketing children for getting out of the house and exercising?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a school teacher, in disbelief. "That's outrageous! It's true that skateboarding can be dangerous but so is walking down the stairs! You want to ban that too?! What we should do is pass laws requiring safety equipment for skaters - if we allocate a little bit of the tax payers' money to the cause, we can build a skate park that will keep our children safe and away from others on the road too."
The Results: skateparks can be found in every city.
Civil Rights +1
Taxes +2
3. "Yo, dude, I've got a better idea," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ while executing a complicated 360° spin over your head. "What if skateboarding was the only way to get around? Wouldn't that be cool? Skateboarding is cheap, healthy, and fun! Everyone should do it! You could improve, like, the quality of life for everyone by banning vehicles and making skateboarding the only legal way to travel. People'd love you for it, man. Well, apart from the guys who make cars and the like, I guess."
The Results: skateboarding is the only legal way to travel.
Economy -16
Taxes -2
------------------------------------------------------------------------
#214: Voting For More Money [Not Quite Dead Peoples; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
It has long been traditional in @@NAME@@ for Members of Parliament to set their own salary. This has, however, led to a recent vote in which members unanimously tripled their pay. Watchdog groups have spoken out against this.
The Debate
1. "Oh, wouldn't the world be a happier place if we could all decide our wages," shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the World Of Watchdog, an anti-corruption foundation. "Who in their right minds would vote against getting more money with no strings attached? This quite obviously cannot be allowed to continue or where will it end? That money should be being used to fund hospitals, not personal luxuries! Well enough is enough! Politicians' salaries should be set by public vote! Maybe then we'll see something more reasonable!"
The Results: Members of Parliament are often found living in cardboard boxes.
Civil Rights +4
Economy -1
Political Freedoms +3
Taxes -2
Corruption -1
Rudeness -1
2. "I couldn't agree less," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Member of Parliament. "Sure, some people might think that having eight cars and three secretaries is excessive, but I'm doing our country a valuable service. Probably one of the most important services there is: representing the people and deciding what course our country should take. It's an incredibly stressful job and there's no way we could do it with lower pay. Members of Parliament ought to be allowed anything they want in return for all they do for @@NAME@@. If we have what we want we're less likely to take bribes too."
The Results: politicians live in abject luxury.
Economy +1
Political Freedoms-30
Taxes +6
3. "Perhaps there's a way to compromise," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an amateur economist, philosopher and lepidopterist. "The problem here is that politicians could either be paid too little or too much. What if we paid them just right by paying them according to how well they do their job? Keep a close monitor on the needs of their constituencies and give bonuses for resolving problems and coming under budget. It gives them a proper monetary incentive to do their jobs. Some will have a harder time than others and the whole idea may be costly but if it cracks down on corruption I'm all for it."
The Results: Members of Parliament operate under a PAYE scheme.
Political Freedoms -1
Taxes +3
------------------------------------------------------------------------
#201: Jolly Roger Sighted Off The Port Bow! [I V Stalin; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
@@NAME@@'s merchant navy has seen increasing attacks from swashbuckling pirates in recent months, devastating @@NAME@@'s foreign trade.
The Debate
1. "We should blow them out of the water!" says First Lord Admiral @@RANDOMNAME@@. "These waterlogged vagabonds have been plundering our ships for far too long! All our exports from the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry are going straight into their hands! It's downright dangerous for us to let this continue! All we require is some funding for coastal patrol boats, fleet carriers, and nuclear submarines and a free hand to show these freebooters what's what."
The Results: NATION's navy has been named the scourge of the seven thousand seas.
Taxes +1
2. "Hello," says a grog-swilling, peg-legged scurvy dog entering your office. "I'm @@RANDOMNAME@@, a mighty pirate. I'd like to suggest that instead of wasting all that money on attacking pirates you simply buy them off with barrels of bullion, jewels and Maxtopian gold! There'll still be pirates around, sure, but as long as everyone's paid off, they won't hinder your trade. Not much anyway."
The Results: the government is frequently held to ransom by the increasing demands of bloodthirsty pirates.
Economy +3
Taxes +1
3. "That's the second biggest load of bilge I've ever seen!" says Captain Grapnel, CFO of Hispaniola Shipping Insurance, LLC. "Shiver me timbers, if these scurvy dogs don't be cutting into me profit margin! Me comprehensive coverage has to pay out for victims o' illegality, and of course theft be illegal in this country, bu' that be giving me an idea - what if we were to have privateers? That is to say, if ye were to make piracy legal but with a quotar o' sorts, like huntin'? That way me and mine can stay in business and ye can get a fine cut o' th' booty from licence fees! Savvy?"
The Results: the nation has become a pariah for giving pirates letters of marque.
Taxes -1
4. "Come now, that's hardly fair," argues 'gentleman pirate' Taupebeard de Gauche with a bow and flourish. "There is an ancient tradition of actively redistributing wealth on the high seas, and we active redistributors serve an important role in the global economy. You would not keep a family-run bookstore from handing down its business from generation to generation, would you? We simply ask, nay, demand the same right! And get rid of the word 'pirate'. It's a slur. We are corsairs - not common sea-faring thugs."
The Results: piracy is the nation's most popular pastime.
Civil Rights +2
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#281: Free Internet For @@NAME@@? [Solisbury; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
After receiving four-digit internet bills, the people of @@NAME@@ are demanding that a free internet service be made available by the government.
The Debate
1. "The only way to ensure internet neutrality in @@NAME@@ is to place the internet under government control," opines @@RANDOMNAME@@, Minister of Telecommunications. "My ministry has been trying to reel in the unfair practices of these companies for ages, and now public sentiment is on our side. With an internet free of 'premium access' and content discrimination, @@NAME@@ will be the envy of @@REGION@@. Unfortunately, since providing free access would be enormously expensive, we'll have to increase taxes slightly... but isn't that a small price to pay?"
The Results: the internet has been placed under government control.
Economy +2
Taxes +4
2. High school principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, "The last time I checked, one of the purposes of the @@NAME@@ government was to provide a decent education for our children. More and more students are turning to online services as a way to accelerate their schooling. Online courses offer a wide range of education in academics and work-related skills. But not all my students have the internet, and there's certainly no commercial incentive to lay down lines in farmland. The government needs to step in and provide a free internet for these students. Invest in our future!"
The Results: students abandon classrooms for online education.
Economy +1
Taxes +1
3. "Oh for the love of Violet!'' bemoans conservative columnist @@RANDOMNAME@@. ''The government has proven time and time again that it destroys everything it touches. Do you want your internet to be slow? Do you want to be taxed up the wazoo, thanks to government inefficiency? I sure don't. Just let the market handle this for once. While you're at it, take the money you would have used on this worthless endeavour and give your citizens a well-deserved tax refund instead."
The Results: internet service is too costly for normal people to purchase.
Civil Rights -2
Taxes -4
4. "Considering the absurd regulations we have to put up with, it's no wonder we have to charge so much for our internet service," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@ Speedy Internet Co. "Safety guidelines, minimum access mandates. If the government would get rid of all these regulations, we could lay down lines for less @@CURRENCY@@s, and pass the savings down to the consumers. This problem isn't our fault: it's yours."
The Results: electrocution deaths among computer technicians are at an all-time high.
Economy +4
Taxes +1
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#226: Expats Plea For Help In War-Torn Country [The Mones Islands; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
Thousands of migrant citizens and expatriated citizens of @@NAME@@ have asked the government to take them home from Marche Noir, a faraway country on the brink of a terrible and violent civil war.
The Debate
1. "We must co-ordinate with the government of Marche Noir in order to secure our absentee voters- ahem- citizens who are in their country," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Foreign Affairs. "We must also create an emergency fund to assist our expats and help bring them back to @@NAME@@. No matter where any of our people are, they're still ours and our responsibility."
The Results: the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms.
2. "That's rubbish," objects @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Finance. "Why waste hundreds of thousands of @@CURRENCY@@s in bringing those expatriated citizens back to @@NAME@@? They chose to leave our great country; they are no longer our concern! They could have stayed here and been an asset to our workforce! Helped us grow strong! No, they've had their chance. You reap what you sow. We should cut any financial assistance we give to those traitors."
The Results: citizens who leave the country are officially classed as traitors.
Taxes -1
3. "That's a good point," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Civics. "Our people are the generators of the economy. The expats should be allowed to come back, but only if they stay. If we keep letting our citizens emigrate, then we're losing our doctors, our teachers, our skilled and unskilled workforce to damn foreigners! Close the borders to those wanting to leave our nation. If they can't see how wonderful @@NAME@@ is then we'll make them!"
The Results: the world outside is only known of in folklore.
Civil Rights -1
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#251: The Trouble With Hobos [Responsible; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
After several complaints of the tripping hazards presented by sleeping bags on the doorsteps of public buildings, the citizens of @@NAME@@ have brought the problem of homelessness to your attention.
The Debate
1. "To be honest, I'd just like a place to stay," says a scruffy man who's been living under your desk. "Somewhere I don't have some landlord breathing down my neck all the time. If the government could see fit to build some kind of free hostel where people could go if they've fallen on hard times, well, that'd be just great."
The Results: the recently unemployed can often be seen at the local homeless shelter.
2. "You can't possibly think that's a good permanent solution!" cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, co-ordinator of the local soup kitchen. "What these people need is help to get their lives back on track. Yes, they have the right to a place to live, but they also need an honest job to pay for it. They need to be encouraged to work to become integrated into society again! Force our major businesses to create some basic jobs for these poor souls, and soon they will become pillars of the community!"
The Results: citizens applying for their first jobs face fierce competition from the homeless.
Economy -9
Taxes +2
3. "And who do you suppose pays for all this?" snaps @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your advisors. "Your loyal taxpayers, that's who! People who actually work for the things they have! And let's face it: these vagrants bring it on themselves - frittering their money away on rubbish and rollicking in unemployment while the rest of the world slaves away to make ends meet. They're worthless scum and they gave up their 'rights' a long time ago. I say we leave them to their misery until they become a nuisance, then have them dealt with like any other criminal."
The Results: homeless people are frequently charged with trespassing on public property.
4. "As far as I can see, homeless people are already a nuisance," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a proud citizen. "They're mostly thieves and drug addicts, they make the streets a dangerous place for our children, they make honest people feel guilty for turfing them off their doorsteps and, frankly, they smell bad. They're vermin, plain and simple, and as such I suggest they be destroyed before the infestation gets even more out of hand."
The Results: citizens who become homeless are immediately executed.
Civil Rights -1
Taxes -1
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#171: Kids And Criminality: Whose Responsibility? [East Stalinia; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
Recent studies showing that the sources of @@NAME@@'s most common street crimes (vandalism, muggings, joyriding, and witchcraft) are children under the age of criminal responsibility has prompted a national outcry for government action.
The Debate
1. "These damned hooligans are running wild on our streets!" splutters hard-nosed Sergeant @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the police force. "My overworked officers can't cope anymore! Everywhere we look we're being surrounded by mobs of unruly children! I need you to give me and my officers the power to dish out punishment to these little hoodlums. I don't care how young these kids are - they need to learn to behave properly as soon as possible. Even if it requires a short jail sentence of ten years or so."
The Results: eight year-olds with lemonade stands have been known to be locked up on charges of embezzlement.
Civil Rights -6
Taxes +1
2. "The last thing we need is a police force that prosecutes, convicts, AND sentences young kids!" yells outraged Child Welfare Officer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "These youngsters are merely children being playful! Let them learn from their own mistakes! You can't tell me you weren't ever naughty when you were that young! Experience is the tree from which learning is a fruit, remember, and besides: the taxes needed to round them all up would be murder."
The Results: the nation's youth is held blameless for all crimes.
Civil Rights +8
3. "Hah! Yeh're lookin' at this the wrong way!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an elderly pensioner, hobbling up to you and poking you in the chest with a walking stick. "When I was wee, and if I was caught breakin' the law, me dad would've beaten seven types of bahoola out of me! If a kid's gone maladjusted and started nickin' cars and whatnot, look at the parents and punish them for not bringin' the tiny scions up right! Yeh can't blame a kid for the environment they were raised in an' that's that!"
The Results: parents are held criminally responsible for their children's crimes.
