Friday, November 9, 2012

Issues #076, #081, #083, #084, #085, #087, #088, #089, #090 and #091

#076: Suits in Protest [Xibonia; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
Thousands of business men and women have taken to the streets in protest of their working conditions and pay. "It's not fair that we can't have a union," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, VP of Sales at SlothCorp. "Just because we make six figures doesn't mean we don't deserve overtime too! It's high time that the lower classes come to appreciate our hard efforts."

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, secretary of commerce, recommends you ignore these commies. "Free enterprise means not having to succumb to unions, and the world has enough unions already."
The Result: Pinkerton agents are called in to forcibly break up white collar strikes.

Economy +26
Taxes -3
Authoritarianism -0.030
Business Subsidization +1
Employment +15
Ideological Radicality +4
Income Equality -50
Industry: Information Technology +1
Industry: Mining +1
Lifespan +1
Most Pro-Market +2.6
Obesity +12
Pacifism +4
Rudeness +1.5
Safety -15
Safety from Crime -5
Unexpected Death Rate -1
Wealth Gaps +50
Weaponization +6

2. @@RANDOMNAME@@, secretary of labor, advises you to adjust laws to allow white-collar unions. "It only makes sense that all of the workers in our nation have equal opportunity to benefit from the advantages of collective bargaining."
The Result: CEOs and corporate executives are frequently found striking for better stock options.


3. "Get these people out of the street!" advises @@RANDOMNAME@@, local police chief. "They're blocking traffic, and making it impossible for the common man to drive to the megamall!"
The Result: protests are prohibited from blocking traffic.


4. Finally, Right Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@ proclaims, "The downtrodden are suffering at the hands of the MAN, and these wealthy upper shelf vice presidents are asking to make the rich richer and the poor poorer! The only reason the common worker needs a union is to be able to fight against the oppression of these slave drivers! It's ludicrous that these greedy scrooges are asking for even MORE money! Send them packing and raise taxes on the wealthy to bring more equality to our nation!"
The Result: local executives are seen on the corner with cardboard signs reading "will oppress the masses for food".

Economy -8
Taxes +4

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#081: Close Encounters Of The Sci-fi Kind? [Spyr; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
A recent, well-publicized UFO sighting over rural areas of @@NAME@@ has turned people's attention to the skies, and what... or who... might be up there.

The Debate
1. "This event proves one thing: there are other life-forms out there," says eccentric astronomer @@RANDOMNAME@@, "All we have to do is find them! What is the price of a few hundred Radio Telescopes compared to the benefit of living in peace and harmony with our brethren of the stars?"
The Result: UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news.

Economy +4
Taxes +1

2. "Spies! It's gotta be spies! A few planes or satellites from our enemies or 'allies' in our region," rages General @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of @@NAME@@'s military, "The only way to keep those snoops out of our airspace is to patrol the streets 'n skies, and shoot 'em down! Even if they are some sort of little green aliens, a couple of SAM batteries and a few flak cannons'll keep 'em from abducting our @@ANIMAL@@s."
The Result: birds and children's kites are regularly brought down by anti-aircraft fire.

Economy +1

3. "Extraterrestrial lifeforms? Alien invaders? I don't know why we even have to listen to such idiocy!" complains prize-winning physicist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "In my opinion, the idea of 'aliens' on another planet is highly unlikely, and even if they did exist, getting from there to here is technically impossible! I say we forget this nonsense and stop spending our tax @@CURRENCY@@s on it. Leave this sort of foolishness to the people who attend those 'trekkie' conventions."
The Result: X-Files ratings have hit an all-time low.

Taxes +1

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#083: High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections [Baudrillard; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Vroom-A-Zoom-Zoom (VAZZ), a consortium of weird-looking hippies and yuppie roller coaster aficionados, has developed plans for a high-speed monorail service for @@NAME@@ to help counter and relieve problems brought about by banning cars.

The Debate
1. "This is great," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, devout anti-spending advocate. "You know what'll happen? The government will invest huge sums of money in a service no one will use. I suggest nipping it in the bud... and cutting back government spending across the board while you're at it."
The Result: government spending has hit an all-time low.

Economy +2
Taxes -6

2. "I disagree," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of Vroom-A-Zoom-Zoom Ltd. "If people are worried about the costs, why not let the monorail service be a private company? That way, it will have to compete with other industries and make a profit. And don't forget that'll bring in more tax revenue. Of course, that would make fares too pricey for a lot of people, but the rich would probably use it a lot!"
The Result: only the wealthy can afford monorail fares.

Economy +7
Taxes -1

3. "I really disagree," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an unwashed denizen standing in the middle of Noh Weir, population 200, on the outskirts of @@NAME@@. "The state must run the monorail service, otherwise it's useless. What a monorail system should do is connect both large and small cities, and the only way to do that is for the government to run the rails, using the profits from the larger cities to subsidize the routes for smaller ones."
The Result: 
a vast monorail network carries people all over the country.
Taxes +2

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#084: Compulsory Gun Ownership? [Tristram; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
This weekend, a citizen's group calling itself Gun Owners of @@NAME@@ has petitioned Congress with a controversial bill making gun ownership compulsory.

The Debate
1. "This is a very important step to securing the rights and lives of our families and controlling the government," urges noted gun ownership proponent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Not only would it significantly decrease crime, but it would also effectively stop government tyranny in its tracks. Of course, this also means that every wacko and their cousin will have a gun, but don't worry, you'll have a gun to defend yourself from them, so it will all work out."
The Result: gun ownership is compulsory.

Civil Rights -5
Taxes +1

2. "While the Gun Owners of @@NAME@@ have the safety and security of our people in mind, it would simply be impractical to enforce," comments Police Chief @@RANDOMNAME@@. "A better option would be to legalize, and encourage use of, concealed carry laws, which would allow responsible citizens to keep firearms with them at all times, on their person, to kill any wacko or their cousin who they think is threatening them."
The Result: citizens are permitted to carry concealed handguns.

Civil Rights +3

3. "Compulsory gun ownership?! Concealed carry?! Are these fools nuts?!" rants an enraged Million Mummy March activist. "We don't need any of these things! What we need is complete gun registration, so that the government can track down dangerous people, like those people who possess unregistered weapons."
The Result: all guns must be registered.

Civil Rights -2
Taxes +2
Eco-Friendliness +2
Defense Forces +2
Law Enforcement +2
Pacifism +36
Public Healthcare +2
Safety -4
Safety from Crime -2
Social Conservatism +1
Weaponization -23
Youth Rebelliousness -1


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#085: Illegal File-Sharing Flares [Frigben; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
A surprise raid conducted on ISPs over the last week in @@NAME@@ shows that more than 30% of all Internet data transfer in @@NAME@@ at one time or another is used by illegal file-shares to illegally distribute files, most notably songs.

The Debate
1. "What we need to do is hack their computers and format their hard drives," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, recording industry representative. "People need to be taught to not mess with the law. This is theft, pure and simple. And they're not only halving our revenue to tune of billions of @@CURRENCY@@s, but you are also stealing a few hundredths of a @@CURRENCY@@ from the artist for every song they steal. THINK OF THE STARVING ARTISTS!"
The Result: a cyber-war between file sharers and the music industry formats hard drives across the country.


2. "Yo, dude, like, don't be hatin' man," says teenager @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We're like, going to change the whole structure of our society. Everything should be like, publicly available to, like, everybody, dude. Copyrights are so, like, uncool man and we need to get rid of them. That'd be totally radical, and cool as well."
The Result: copyright laws have been abolished.

Civil Rights +6
Economy -5

3. "Yo, dang, blizzity blang, yo, this ain't, right, yo," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, famous rapper with three platinum albums. "Dang, yo, we dang need to copy-protect my dang CDs, yo. That dang playability life dang decreases, yo, but it's the only way to stop this, dang, yo."
The Result: CDs are regularly copy-protected.

Economy -2
Taxes +1

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#087: Burn! Burn Everything! [PRC China; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A recent anti-government rally by highly disgruntled teens has brought a previously minor issue to the fore: should people be permitted to burn @@NAME@@'s flag, or should it be a crime?

The Debate
1. "We should be able to burn the flag as a sign of protest. I say ignore those crazy red-blooded fanatics who won't let us! After all it's because we are a tolerant nation that we should allow it!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, civil rights activist, while accidentally immolating many nearby protesters.
The Result: 
crowds of flag-burning protesters tend to accidentally become crowds of burning protesters.
Taxes -1


2. "Burning should be allowed for everything! Down with the pig cops and their repressive regime!" says well-known anarchist and arsonist @@RANDOMNAME@@, from the comfy and non-flammable confines of a prison cell. "Burn! Burn burn burn! Everything! Kyahahaha!"
The Result: 
the capital of NATION has burned to the ground and caused riots throughout the country.
Political Freedoms +20
Taxes -4



3. "These barbarians are suggesting burning the flag of our glorious nation as if it were a piece of scrap cloth! First it's burning the flag, and before you know it, it's rebellion and anarchy!" @@RANDOMNAME@@ scowls. "Flag burning should be punishable by jail terms and a good flogging!"
The Result: people caught mistreating NATION's flag generally wind up in a great deal of pain.

Political Freedoms -4
Authoritarianism +0.018
Averageness +96
Corruption -7
Ideological Radicality -2
Law Enforcement +1
Pacifism -5
Rudeness -0.7
Safety -7
Weaponization +2

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#088: Cannibals Demand To Taste What @@NAME@@ Has To Offer [Sovereign Discord; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A coalition of tribalists, health experts, and civil rights proponents have recently suggested legalizing cannibalism for consumers of willing would-be meals.

The Debate
1. "I see absolutely no problem with people digging into each other at dinnertime, so long as everyone is willing," @@RANDOMNAME@@, the editor of the monthly magazine 'To Serve Man', quips, "Not only does it solve hunger problems and create jobs, but it also adds variety to @@NAME@@'s sometimes dull palette."
The Result: murder rates are on the rise as the popularity of soylent products grows.

Civil Rights +7

2. Civil rights leader @@RANDOMNAME@@ came out publicly for moderate pro-cannibalism legislation, commenting, "While it may strike some as a crude, even evil practice, our ancestors have practiced cannibalism for years. If we create a government organization to strictly regulate and grade all human meat prior to its arrival on the market, we can ensure that respect for diversity is maintained while health concerns are also allayed. And instead of killing average people, why not make being turned into snack foods a post-mortem option? Like donating your body to science!"
The Result: soylent products are an expensive commodity due to a lack of volunteers.

Civil Rights +4

3. "You're all absolutely out of your minds!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of @@NAME@@'s largest health-food manufacturer. "It's immoral, it's unhealthy, and it's disgusting. Not only are these so-called 'dietary rights' activists leading us down a dark path of sin, but right into a marketplace with yet another product that's almost as bad as beef!"
The Result: there has been a series of riots between local cannibals and health food advocates.

Civil Rights -8

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#089: "Don't Dam Our Rivers, Damnit!" Say Protesters [Frigben; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A group of Greenpeace protesters have called for an end to a government proposal to begin damming rivers in @@NAME@@ to increase water supplies and generate power.

The Debate
1. "Don't build dams!" shouts protestor @@RANDOMNAME@@ through a microphone heavily afflicted with feedback. "Do you know how many fish die in other dams in our region each year? Have you heard of the adverse effects building a dam has on the surrounding environment? Dam up this flood of dams, damn it!"
The Result: flash floods that dams could have controlled regularly ravage small towns in mountain valleys.


2. "Think before you open your mouth," says engineer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "While @@NAME@@ may have to pay the price in animal diversity, as well as adverse effects on the environment, do we really want fossil-fuel based plants polluting @@NAME@@? If you use your common sense, I think you'll find that damming some rivers would be a good idea. Plus, think of how much the economy would benefit from all the jobs these projects would create."
The Result: scenic mountain valleys are flooded with water as damming projects get underway.

Employment +2

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#090: Organic Outburst [Dark_Zephyr; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
After a recent left-wing broadsheet exposé of agricultural practices, an outburst of public paranoia has stirred up the organic foods debate.

The Debate
1. "I just can't stomach it any more," rants concerned parent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "My children's future is being put at risk by irresponsible corporate practices. We must outlaw the use of pesticides and additives by farmers and food producers."
The Result: all-natural foods are becoming a major fad.

Sector: Agriculture -1

2. "I've heard enough of this treehugging, lefty nonsense," argues corporate spokesman @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The agricultural industry needs to use the most advanced technology available, it's the only way to keep @@NAME@@ competitive in food production. Besides, the studies we have commissioned prove that only a very small number of child deaths are due to our products, and surely that's an acceptable rate in the name of progress?"
The Result: a survey of the nation's rivers and children has shown that pesticide levels are at an all-time regional high.


3. "Stop torturing Mother Earth!" yells outraged environmental extremist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Are we prepared to sacrifice our planet and our souls for the sake of a few extra @@CURRENCY@@s? If we hope to live in harmony with the environment that nurtures and protects us, we must ban all industries that pollute our world. Let us return to the trees, my brothers!"
The Result: people are moving into treehouses in record numbers.

Economy -16

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#091: Sacramental Tax Time? [Rational Self Interest; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Secularists have been urging the government to impose an income tax on religious organizations in @@NAME@@ for some time now, and the issue has finally made its way to the upper levels of the government.

The Debate
1. Self-appointed civil rights spokesman @@RANDOMNAME@@ declares, "Churches are business organizations with a large income. It's unfair that they don't have to pay the same taxes that everyone else does. If they really do spend any money on charity, let them write it off as a deduction just like corporations do. There's no reason that so-called clergy should be chauffeured around in limos tax-free, when we desperately need funds for public works."
The Result: religious organizations are being forced to leave the country or pay income taxes like everybody else.

Civil Rights -2
Godlessness +2

2. "Freedom of conscience is foremost among liberties," says Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Churches have been exempted from taxation because it is wrong for the government to infringe on the right of people to worship as they please, and that includes charging them for the right to worship. Besides, churches are non-profit organizations that put all their funds back into the community."
The Result: televangelists flaunt their expensive cars when they attend charity events.

Civil Rights +3
Taxes -1

3. The Honorable @@RANDOMNAME@@, Minister of Minding Other People's Business, has an idea: "This religion thing is such a great racket, why don't we make it a government monopoly? We'll ban all religions except the Church of @@NAME@@, and make attendance and donations compulsory. I'll start writing the Holy Scriptures right away!"
The Result: membership in the state-owned Church of NATION is mandatory and all other faith organisations are banned.

Civil Rights -6
Taxes +1

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