Friday, November 9, 2012

Issues #131, #133, #136, #138, #143, #145, #148, #150, #153 and #156

#131: Raise Duel Standards, Say Fencers [The Gaelic Freedmen; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A number of well-dressed gentlemen wearing a varied assortment of swords is insisting that they be allowed to settle their private disputes on the field of honourable battle.

The Debate
1. "We must be permitted our inherent right to defend our honour through feats of arms!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bewigged aristocrat sporting a particularly flamboyant swept-hilt rapier. "The right to duel is one found throughout history for the honourable settling of disputes and I must insist that my right to fight be recognised! The world would be so much better - and cheaper too - if conflicts of interest were sorted through trial by combat instead of trial by jury."
The Result: murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour.

Civil Rights +5
Political Rights +2
Taxes -2

2. "Swords? Heavens, what dreadful things. All sharp and pointy - quite dangerous, you know," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ardent pacifist. "Duelling ought to be banned! The best way to settle these kind of arguments are through trials, we all know that. If we go ahead with what these duelling nutters want then innocent people will die! It will be a sad day when people value money more than justice. Apart from lawyers, obviously."
The Result: long arduous trials are held for the most trivial of offences.

Civil Rights -2
Taxes +2

#133: When @@ANIMAL@@s Attack! [The Class A Cows; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After several reports of pet @@ANIMAL@@s violently attacking, injuring, and even killing citizens, there has been growing pressure from public safety activists for the government to take action.

The Debate
1. "These creatures are a danger to the public and must be destroyed!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, representative of the Public Institution for Social Safety, Equality, and Direction. "I was attacked by one just on the way here and I nearly lost my life! They're a public menace. We must shoot and burn them!"
The Result: ANIMALs deemed dangerous to the public are shot and hanged by the town hall as a warning to others.

2. "Why punish the poor things?" asks animal-lover @@RANDOMNAME@@, covered in scars from previous encounters with @@ANIMAL@@s. "All they need is good hands to care and rehabilitate them. We need a government education programme to tame them and turn them into loveable pets. The one I'm holding right now shows that it can be done. They are all good, kind creatures deep d- argh!"
The Result: the government funds large training centres to turn ANIMALs into functioning members of society.

3. "I agree that we shouldn't kill them," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famous lawyer. "But I don't think the owner should get away with breaking the law! This is clearly a case of 'intent to grievously harm' if I ever saw it. All citizens should be held accountable of their pet's actions as if they had done the act themselves. It's the only way to be fair - after all, they're just dumb animals."
The Result: needs to be updated

4. "Who cares!?" screams @@RANDOMNAME@@ as he sends out his pirate radio station broadcast. "Just repeal any laws preventing us from shooting the things when they attack and we'll be able to save ourselves without this stupid, authoritarian, overbearing government and legal system wasting our tax money!"
The Result: 
ANIMALs are frequently shot for looking at people 'in a funny way'.
Taxes -1

#136: Much Ado About Abortion [Aquilla; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A monstrous debate between pro-life and pro-choice groups has erupted after a high-profile case of a pregnant woman aborting her foetus because she 'didn't feel like it' hit the tabloids.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, lawyer for the woman known only as Miss X, says, "It is Miss X's right to choose! It's her body; she can do whatever she wants with it. In the interest of women's rights, abortion MUST be legal throughout the country!"
The Result: abortions are routinely performed in NATION's hospitals.

Civil Rights +4

2. "I most vehemently disagree," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a pro-life activist. "I'm all for women's rights in general, but what about the child? Does it have no rights either? Abortion is totally immoral and I insist that it be outlawed except in cases of rape, or when the mother's life is in danger."
The Result: abortion is only legal in unusual circumstances.

3. "You're not going far enough! Abortion is murder!" shouts Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@, waving a placard with a picture of a foetus on it. "God decides which babies live and which will die, not us! The government must maintain a stern anti-abortion stance to preserve the morality of @@NAME@@!"
The Result: abortions are carried out secretly in shady backstreet clinics.

Civil Rights -7
Taxes +2

4. "Abortion has to be legal if we're going to last as a nation," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, President of the Society of Bitter Old People. "Have you ever thought that with @@NAME@@'s growing population of @@POPULATION@@, we soon aren't going to be able to squeeze any more people within our borders? If we use abortion to control the population, we'll make great savings and can spend the money elsewhere. One child per family should just about do it I think. Extraneous ones can be sold to other countries."
The Result: 
families are only permitted to have one child.
Civil Rights -1

#138: Keep The Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters [Big-Yellow-Taxi; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A group of environmentalists are protesting against plans to expand urban and suburban developments into greenbelts, the designated countryside between settlements.

The Debate
1. "Do we really have to listen to these nutcases?" asks real estate developer, Jonathon Cogswell. "The fact of the matter is that nature is BORING. Give us permission to build on the greenbelt and you'll have pink hotels, boutiques, and swinging hot spots that'll be the envy of the region and draw tourists from all around! We can always transplant a few trees and put them in a tree museum to keep the tree-huggers happy. @@NAME@@ stands to make a lot of money from this! Think about it for a moment!"
The Result: private business has started paving paradises and putting up parking lots.

2. "I agree with my colleague here, but he doesn't go far enough," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a city planner. "These protestors are standing in the path of progress. It slows the growth of our economy and harms my portfolio - er - the future of our nation, I mean. It's unpatriotic and we should increase police funding to deal with these troublemakers. Then we wouldn't have to worry about greenbelts or any other nonsense about keeping the 'environment' safe. Think about it for a moment!"
The Result: needs to be updated

3. "I can't believe what I'm hearing!" exclaims environmental activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Tree museums? Police funding? Don't it always seem to be the case that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone? We're talking about natural treasures and you're talking about destroying them. Is there anything that you can build that can really be better than nature? We should put a stop to all encroachment into natural areas. Think about it for a moment!"
The Result: there's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt

Taxes +1
Averageness +1
Eco-Friendliness +3
Employment -4
Environmental Beauty +65
Lifespan +1
Obesity -4
Pacifism +3
Sector: Manufacturing -1
Tourism +63
Toxicity -60
Unexpected Death Rate -1
Weaponization +1
Weather +16
Youth Rebelliousness -1

#143: An Archaeological Altercation [Fiscali; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
During the construction of a new Hyper-Mega-Ultra-Super Mall, construction workers have unearthed what appears to be an ancient temple. A furious debate has arisen between those who wish to preserve it, and those who need their retail therapy.

The Debate
1. "This is the perfect opportunity to learn more of our nation's history!" says Professor @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the archaeological department of the @@NAME@@ History Museum. "All building work must be halted immediately so that my team can study this remarkable piece of our nation's past. To bury these ruins under some concrete eyesore would be criminal!"
The Result: prime commercial land is being swamped with archaeological teams.

Economy -7
Taxes +2
Culture +1

2. "It's all very nice to get to know some more about our past," argues foreman @@RANDOMNAME@@. "But that's just the thing! It's the past! We must think of the future. If you allow those decrepit fossils to take over this place, you put at risk the future of our economy! Today it's archaeological digs, tomorrow it's 'preservation of the environment'. Just let me bulldoze the worthless pile of rubble and bury it under a few hundred tonnes of concrete."
The Result: major archaeological findings are frequently bulldozed to make way for new buildings.

Economy +12
Taxes -1

3. "Behold, the hour has arrived! The Holy Temple of Firefury Amahira has been unearthed!" proclaims Yon-Zhauryg v'Klot, leader of the Cult of the Undead @@ANIMAL@@. "This land is sacred, and must not be befouled by these corporations! No-one but the enlightened children of Firefury must be allowed to venture inside our rediscovered sanctuary, where we will perform the required rituals to please the Great Goddess and prevent Her from unleashing Her wrath upon the world."
The Result: archaeological discoveries are often followed by mysterious hamster abductions.

Civil Rights +3

#145: Hackles Raised Over Fur Clothes Debate [Naturhio; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Several animal rights groups have protested the continuing use of fur as a material for clothing.

The Debate
1. "This is an outrage!" cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, president of the Be Nice To Animals society. "The manufacture of fur apparel is unethical, cruel, and disgusting! People just don't seem to realise that millions of animals die each year in fur farms, crammed into tiny cages and suffering the most terrible treatment just so someone can look appealing and rich! This is a sick practice and must be stopped! The same can go for leather shoes and snakeskin belts too."
The Result: the wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned.

Economy -2

2. "You can't mean that, surely?" snorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, adjusting his hat, made from real @@ANIMAL@@ hide. "It's the people's choice what they wear. I don't think it's fair that the majority of the public should be deprived of fur clothes because some people are a bit queasy. In fact, if the government would allow us to stock rarer animals, we could produce even finer products. In the end, it's up to the consumer, don't you think?"
The Result: fur coats have become the latest fashion trend.

Economy +3
Taxes -1

#148: Spare The Rod, Demand Welfare Activists [Eastern Newfoundland; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
The @@NAME@@ S.P.C.C. has launched a fresh campaign to stop parents from smacking their children. They demand that the government introduce laws to ban this form of 'corporal punishment'.

The Debate
1. Child Psychiatrist, Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, speaks at a press conference on the matter: "Parents and teachers must realise that smacking children increases aggressiveness, lowers their self-esteem, and can cause long-term emotional trauma! How can anybody think that it is anything but child abuse? Parents who resort to smacking their children are obviously unfit to be parents at all! We must ban this horrible practice at once!"
The Result: parents live in fear of governmental 'child protection' squads.

Compassion +1
Government Size +1
Law Enforcement +1
Niceness +1
Pacifism +2
Rudeness -1
Safety -2
Safety from Crime -1
Weaponization +1
Welfare +2
Youth Rebelliousness +2

2. "What are these lunatics on about?!" yells @@RANDOMNAME@@, a concerned parent. "Smacking children has been an effective form of punishment since the dawn of mankind! Outlaw it and I guarantee you the next generation will be a disorderly disaster! Children need, nay CRAVE discipline! Sometimes the only language they understand is the cane, and the government has to respect that!"
The Result: record sales of 'child-whacking sticks' have been reported.

Civil Rights +6

#150: Bug 'em All, Say Police [Niziania; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
The @@NAME@@ police force have come to you for permission to use phone taps to trace suspected criminals.

The Debate
1. "This is a great idea," says police officer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We can never have too much evidence in a case, and this will be of enormous help to us at reducing crime and seeing that those who deserve punishment get justice! If we could just get those silly privacy laws repealed and some funding we could find out stuff the government wants to know too."
The Result: phone taps are frequently carried out by the police.

Civil Rights -4

2. "This is an unacceptable intrusion into the personal lives of the population," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ while checking under your chair for bugs. "Just imagine all of the sensitive personal information that the police will pick up! Would you like someone listening to your calls to your mother or your lover? I think not! Laws should be passed so that the government and police can't stick their big noses where they're not wanted!"
The Result: it is illegal for police officers to carry out searches due to strict privacy laws.
Civil Rights +6
Taxes -1

#153: Protesters Have Gone Too Far, Claim Police [Utopian Gandhism; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A group protesting against the @@NAME@@ government began a riot yesterday which resulted in the death of Mr. Benson, a police officer.

The Debate
1. "This is an outrage!" cries Police Chief @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The people of @@NAME@@ just don't know how good they have it! Our nation is a gem compared to many others, but if you give an inch they will take a mile. I had to tell officer Benson's wife yesterday that their child will grow up without a father. Do I think public protests should be outlawed? You're damn right I do."
The Result: protests are illegal

Political Freedoms -11
Taxes +1

2. "It all happened so fast," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the protesters. "The crowd was just chanting, you know... and then they tear gassed us. I saw one cop, this Mr. Benson, club a teenager right in the face! For what? Speaking his mind! That's when the crowd rushed him. I'm sorry he's dead, but the police think they have a right to do whatever they want - things get out of hand sometimes. I think the police department should keep out of the way when we're protesting - even if things do get... excited."
The Result: recent protests against birds flying too low have resulted in bloodshed.

Civil Rights +1
Political Freedoms +17

3. "It's because protests get out of hand sometimes that we need a police presence," argues PC @@RANDOMNAME@@ eventually after singing the national anthem to you. "Even violent protestors have a right to feel safe on the streets. If that means we have to die to protect the innocent, then that means we have to die. I think protests should be restricted to a designated area where police can keep an eye on the protestors. Then everything can go nice and smoothly and no one will have to worry about being beaten to death."
The Result: protests are legal but strictly supervised.

Political Freedoms -2
Taxes +1

#156: Waste Going To Waste, Says Industry Lobby [DeFranzania; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
@@NAME@@'s industries have an ever-growing amount of toxic wastes to dispose of, and doing so in safe ways is becoming prohibitively expensive, leading a group of lobbyists to try and pressure the government into changing existing disposal laws.

The Debate
1. "These waste dumping laws are destroying our businesses!" rants @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the @@NAME@@ Bigger Business Bureau. "We need cheaper ways to eliminate industrial by-products, which really aren't as harmful as people think, such as pouring them into rivers or deep ocean ravines where they're harmless to us. Let's remember that the products we manufacture make your life easier and more fun!"
The Result: Animals with strange deformities like three eyes and tentacles have been seen prancing through the countryside where industrial waste is dumped.

Economy +2

2. "A better way to deal with this problem is to convince the public it isn't a problem at all," whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of Scamcorp, an industrial think tank. "Fudge some research, declare that the chemical by-products from industrial processing and production actually make one's teeth and bones healthier. Then, sell them to municipalities to add to their drinking water! Yes! This will not only save us the trouble of disposing of the waste correctly, we'll be able to sell it at a profit! I can taste the money already!"
The Result: the nation's drinking water tends to glow green at night.

Economy +31
Taxes -2

3. "These corrupt, money-hungry corporations are only looking out for themselves and their bottom line!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an environmentalist from northern @@NAME@@. "The government needs to enact stricter laws for how these companies can dump their waste safely, and when they poison @@NAME@@'s people and environment, the government needs the authority and manpower to enforce harsh penalties! These companies make their messes, they should pay to clean them up!"
The Result: heavy industry must go to expensive lengths to dispose of waste.

Economy -4
Taxes +1


  1. #136: Much Ado About Abortion [Aquilla; ed:Sirocco]
    Option 1 gave my country:

    2 Welfare -1
    3 Public Healthcare 2
    4 Religiousness -4
    5 Godlessness 4
    6 Averageness 4

  2. #150: Bug 'em All, Say Police
    option 2

    Census scores
    Civil Rights 2
    Social Conservatism -3
    Law Enforcement -3
    Ideological Radicality 1
    Corruption -3
    Freedom From Corruption 3
    Authoritarianism -0,008
    Recreational Drug Use 1
    Toxicity 1
    Averageness -26

    Law and Order % -1

  3. #145: Hackles Raised Over Fur Clothes Debate: Option 1 gave my country:

    Niceness +0.38
    Compassion +0.30
    Pacifism +0.13
    Tourism +0.06
    Economy -2
    Employment -0.24
    Industry:Retail -13.9

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