Thursday, November 8, 2012

Issues #041, #042, #043, #044, #045, #049 and #050

#041: Software Giant Stomps on Competition [1 Infinite Loop; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
The CEO of @@NAME@@ software, hardware, and electronic headwear giant Microcosm, Inc. has been brought before the Supreme Court for violation of antitrust laws.

The Debate
1. "These allegations are absolutely ludicrous!" shouts Microcosm CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@ from out the window of his 90-foot stretch limo. "Just because rival companies are incapable of producing products as brilliant as mine is no reason to punish ME! I say it's high time we abolish these idiotic antitrust laws and give big business the freedom to serve the public better. After all, I'm in this business for the people!"
The Result: small businesses are gobbled up almost daily by corporate giants.

Economy +9
Taxes -1

2. "Microcosm must be shut down immediately," argues CEO of Computers, Computers, Computers! @@RANDOMNAME@@ from out the window of his clunky, exhaust-choked used car. "I can't get a foothold to compete in the market because those bigwigs in Microcosm have that foothold by the throat! It's high time the government stepped in and helped out the little man, and the best way to do that is to shut down the big, oppressive, corporate gurus in Microcosm and beyond."
The Result: the government has begun breaking all large businesses into thousands of mom-and-pop general stores.

Economy -6
Taxes +1

3. "Verily, I say unto thee, none of this would have happened wouldst thou not have stopped the problem before thou didst start it," argues Brother @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the @@NAME@@ Amish community from out the window of his horse-drawn carriage. "We must doest as the Lord commandeth and abolishest the evils of computers and the Internet entirely. Only whenst we harken unto the Lord's commandments mayeth we truly be spiritually blessed."
The Result: citizens frequently whisper of the Internet as 'the domain of the devil'.

Economy -6

#042: Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police [The Prelapsarian State; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
A group of concerned parishioners and soccer moms has petitioned the government of @@NAME@@ to outlaw heavy metal music, which they fear is a bad influence on youngsters.

The Debate
1. "Heavy metal music is a plague in our good nation and its God-fearing people!" argues local priest and easy listening advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just the other day, I heard a song by some group called Hell's Irate Puppies with a sinful quantity of bass and drum... oh, and there were probably some lines about killing parents, too, I'd imagine! It's vital that we ban this music, and remove this terrible influence from our children's lives! Think of the children!"
The Result: radio stations are forbidden to play anything with too much drum or bass.

Civil Rights -4

2. "Whoa, man... what's with the, like, censorship and stuff?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, scruffy-haired bassist of the popular speed metal band The Destroyinators. "You can't, like, censor the music, man. That's how we express ourselves! Every bass beat is me baring my soul! Every howl is me complainin' about how my parents tried to kick me out of their basement! Besides, what's wrong with Satan? He's just misunderstood anyway. I say promote the arts, man!"
The Result: elevator music has been replaced by thrash metal played at maximum volume.

Civil Rights +1

3. "You know, this heavy metal issue has me thinking," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your brother, over your weekly game of cribbage. "If these long-haired freaks want to put out their devil-worshipping metal, why don't we let them? Of course, we'll put a little subliminal propoganda into every song... after all, don't these guys owe their freedom of expression to you?"
The Result:
angst-filled teenagers are rushing off to buy government bonds for some odd reason.
Civil Rights -11

#043: Prisoners Demand Elbow Room [Lucazmodei; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
In a display of unity that can best be described as "highly unnerving," criminals and law enforcement officials alike are up in arms about recent overcrowding within prisons in @@NAME@@.

The Debate
1. "I tell ya, chief... this ain't good," mutters local police chief @@RANDOMNAME@@ over his morning cup of coffee. "I see these no-good mohawk-wearin' punks every day, and they're a dangerous bunch. They gotta be locked in their mudholes forever! If we can't afford to keep 'em in prison, I say we need more money! Let's just casually shift some funding from elsewhere; after all, it ain't like our welfare program is helping keep these kids away from crime."
The Result: gigantic new prisons are springing up all over the nation.

Civil Rights -1

2. "How can these wayward individuals find their inner selves by staring at the walls within a stone cell?" challenges human rights activist and local prison license plate maker @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The nation's budget is absolute proof: we cannot afford prisons... strictly because of their immorality! Let these caged birds breathe the sweet air of freedom again! Shut down all prisons in @@NAME@@!"
The Result: all prisons have been eliminated.

Taxes -2

3. "Now hold on just a second here," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of @@NAME@@'s most widely-known pizza delivery chain, Papa Pallocci's Pizza Pagoda. "You've got a problem with prisoners, and I've got a problem finding employees. Why don't you just send some of your criminals to Papa Pallocci's? We'll put 'em to work at lower pay as punishment for their crimes! I win, you win... the economy wins!"
The Result: needs to be updated

#044: No Pain, No Gain! [Independent Planets; ed:SalusaSecondus]

The Issue
Due to the recent capture of a foreign terrorist in @@NAME@@, high-level military officials want the government to authorize torture to extract information about other terrorist activities.

The Debate
1. "Torture is the only way that we can get these idiots to tell us anything," says General @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@'s special forces division. "After all, violence is the only shared language we have with these scum."
The Result: torture is commonly used to extract information from suspected criminals.

Ciil Rights -3
Taxes +3

2. "Are you kidding?" states political activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Torture never works. If anything, it should be outlawed. What do we want to become, genocidal maniacs?
The Result: torture is illegal.

Civil Rights +6

3. "There's nothing wrong with torture, but we can't make it too obvious," says Secretary of Defense @@RANDOMNAME@@. "How about we simply ask them nicely, and then, if they don't tell us, we kill them? That's better just from the intimidation."
The Result: people regularly disappear off the streets and all evidence of them is destroyed.

Civil Rights -9
Taxes +4

#045: Baseball League Steps Up To The Plate [Pilot; ed:The SLAGLands]

The Issue
The Batter Up! Baseball League has begun to grow in popularity and is now seeking government support in establishing teams and stadiums throughout the nation.

The Debate
1. "Holy cow, is this gonna be great!" hollers BUBL President and sports nut @@RANDOMNAME@@, wearing a fashionable giant foam finger on his right hand. "Baseball is just what @@NAME@@ needs right now! Think about it: soda, popcorn, hot dogs... oh, and I'm sure the economy will benefit somehow, too! All we need is the government funding to build stadiums and teams, and we'll be on every TV and in every city in the country!"
The Result: major cities shut down as their local sports team takes to the field every day.

Economy +1

2. "You're going to spend the taxpayer's money on WHAT?" counters Minister of Finance @@RANDOMNAME@@, from a newly furnished office. "I mean, I love playing a good game of baseball every now and then, but does the government really need to go around supporting this? The only people that are going to benefit are a bunch of fat-cat burger vendors and bored hicks with nothing better to do on Sunday afternoon! We need to stop spending so much money on these ridiculous games and get back to what's really important: running the business of the country."
The Result: the nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting events.

Economy -3

#049: Diving For @@CURRENCY@@s [Nogero; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
Divers from a local scuba club have discovered an enormous underwater gold deposit that could be worth billions of @@CURRENCY@@s in one of @@NAME@@'s lakes. It has also caused a huge debate over who should be allowed to plunder the goods.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, a cabinet member, would like the government to seize the deposit. "This is an excellent time to boost @@NAME@@'s economy and increase our foreign trade with other countries! Who cares about the people that discovered the deposit? They've done their country a great favor and should let us have the money!"
The Result: the government seizes all major gold finds.

Civil Rights -11
Economy +3

2. @@RANDOMNAME@@, a civil rights activist, vehemently disagrees. "The deposit was found by private citizens and it should be their choice of what to do with the gold. If the government goes around stealing what is rightfully ours, then I shudder to think I live in such a corrupt country. These people discovered the gold, it's now their time to get rich! Nevermind the fact they were diving in a lake on government property!"
The Result: citizens are regularly found digging for treasure in their gardens.

Civil Rights +5

3. "We should do what now?" Environmentalist @@RANDOMNAME@@ exclaims. "Do you have any idea how damaging it would be to the environment to mine the gold under that lake? Think of all the aquatic life that would be disrupted or destroyed! Think of how an otherwise pristine lake view would be ruined! Forget the gold and keep those money-grubbing pigs away from nature!"
The Result: the mining industry has taken a hit from tighter environmental regulations.

Taxes +1

#050: Whips, Chains, And Leather, Oh My! [Yacatizma; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
An organized crowd of leather-clad individuals, some of whom are on leashes, are protesting against discrimination for those who share their interests.

The Debate
1. "We happen to express our love differently, with different hobbies and activities," explains BDSM enthusiast @@RANDOMNAME@@, while wearing needle-sharp spiked heels and holding a whip. "Shops exist to cater to the needs of 'normal' people, but do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get a quality whip? A little support for our hobbies would be appreciated!"
The Result: a niche industry catering to S&M enthusiasts has sprung up.

2. "Yeah," exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, another enthusiast, wearing nothing but a collar, "and like other couples, we want the right to display our affection in public. If Master wants to take me walkies in public, he should be able to."
The Result: leather-clad individuals can be seen walking their slaves in public parks.

Civil Rights +1
Economy +2
Taxes +1
Nudity +5
Social Conservatism -1
Youth Rebelliousness +1

3. @@RANDOMNAME@@ dissents wholeheartedly. "This is not about showing affection--this is about moral decency. Think of the children, for God's sake! Think of the children! We must criminalize and eliminate this perversion to keep them safe. Which of course means a special task force to track down and capture these cretins!"

The Result: midnight raids drag couples from their homes in the name of decency.
Civil Rights -5


  1. #049: Diving For @@CURRENCY@@s [Nogero; ed:Reploid Productions]

    Option 2 gave my nation :

    2 Safety 1
    3 Corruption -1
    4 Freedom From Corruption 1
    5 Tourism 1.25
    6 Environmental Beauty 0.25
    7 Toxicity -0.25

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  3. An geared up crowd of leather-clad contributors, some of whom are on leashes, watch online movies
    are protesting against discrimination for those who share their interests.